Oh happy day, the stars are brightly shini... no those aren't the right lyrics. Well anyway, it was a significant day (not particularly for me but for the happy couple of newlyweds). A day worthy of celebration undoubtedly. Also a day of epiphanies, especially for someone as neurotically introverted as I...
I guess today was interesting in that while I think we as a species are ultimately ephemeral/transient beings, there are times that we do seem to try to live in opposition to that. Take marriage, for example, that is a perfect example of a "rejection of transience", if you will. With it, a couple declares a commitment to perpetuate something they've developed for as long as they can, defying the waves of life that may attempt to push those joined apart. Well, anyway, this was the lesser of the two observations.
The more pressing observation was that I realized that I'm a huge kid, just a huge 25 year old kid. And I mean that in a very serious way that's not attempting to extract sympathy. I've never really had, or probably more accurately "taken", the opportunity to live life for myself. To put it briefly, I've yet to take significant risks. Everything I've done has really been in this context of a very safe and probably cloistered environment. This is probably one of those significant contributors to my insecurity when I talk to other people around my age. It seems everyone has gone somewhere to do something ... whatever it may be. And I'm just here... running around in circles as it feels sometimes. Doing... very... similar things everyday, being in very similar places everyday. I can't help but think that maybe it would've been more ... beneficial overall... if I had exposed myself to more. But, no, I never did. And now here I am, lost in the light of the moon that seeps through my window (no, those are lyrics...). I look out the window often and I wonder what's out there. I really want to find out one day. Well, soon, when I make my own money I suppose. It just never really felt right to do those things on someone else's dime, especially when they're already contributing so much for other things in my life. And, clearly, I was always too lackadaisical to earn my own keep, you know. Shame on me, perhaps. Well, whatever... we're almost there. Maybe one day, I'll be like those crepuscular rays that seem to find their ways through the seemingly constant cloud-front.
